I've been thinking a lot about Andrew lately. Chuck has come to find out that he is being released from rehab next Monday. He has not even called us once since he has been in. Chuck got this information from talking with Tracey, Andrews' girlfriend.
I can bet you my last dollar on how the scenario will play out. Sometime around the end of the week his counselor will facilitate a call home so that he can ask for $280.00 to go to Williamsburg, the chem-free house.
A part of me asks how long do I keep just shelling out money? $400.00 here, $280.00 there. And we won't even add up the thosounds in the past. When does the bank ever dry up? Is that all I am to him these days. A bank, and a flop house where he can hang when he has no where else he can go? When do I stop enabling him and make him go it alone?
The other part of me says- He is my child, I brought him in to this world. My Lord would not give up on me. God would never tell me enough is enough, you no longer have my support and must go it on your own.
I simply don't know the right thing to do for Andrew. People tell me I must cut the apron strings and make him go it on his own- if not for his sake, then for my own sanity.
If God had done that with me, he never would have allowed his Son to die on the cross for my sins so that I may know him and have everlasting life.
What is a mothers' Love to do? Please share your comments.
I know what "people" say, I have probably said to cut him lose also, BUT he is still your child. You are still his mother, how do any of us turn that off? We can't just flip it like a switch. You know how I painfully deal w/ my sons neurosis', my heart goes out to you. None of us have the answers, though many proclaim to know what is best for you, ONLY you & Andrew know what is best for you. Love him, cherish him but figure out where your boundaries lie. Look w/ in yourself & figure out WHEN is it that you become resentful, what triggers that. That is when you will know how to deal w/ Andrew & how to lovingly tell him "no more, my son".
ReplyDeleteP.S. and this my friend was from the heart.
ReplyDeleteI too struggle with what should I do with a difficult decision...we all do at differnet times. Yours has been a grind for years. No one can make a recomendation on this and truly understand what you have been thru and what you are going thru. But I do know this, God knows. And he won't let you down, his love conquers all, including Andrews demons. Pray Dawn, PRAY. Seek your answers in God and be confident in what you recieve. Know this, what ever you decide we, your friends and family, will not and do not judge you. We love you and we love Andy, and only want the best for both of you. I lift you up to God and may he show you grace and Andy mercy. I love you Dawn.
ReplyDeleteJoel