The Wee Hours of the Night

I feel so self indulgent when I talk about how I feel, but then I remember why I started this blog.  To help others understand bipolar disorder a little better and what better way to do that than to write about how I am coping when I am down. 


For the last month or so my sleep has been very disjointed.  I go to bed early, around 8 or 9 o'clock.  Then I wake up at midnight or so for at least an hour, and if I'm not working the next day, I stay up later.  I find it is a great time to write because my head is clear.  None of the previous days activities are lingering to bother me and the next days worries are not here yet.  Depending on how late I stay up, I may get up again around 4 or 5 o'clock.


Being awake in the night when the rest of the world is sleeping is somehow liberating.  Even when I am all alone, the night time is mine. There are no interruptions from the outside world.  I enjoy being alone at night, not so much though during the day though, weird huh?  So I have to be awake at night to enjoy my night time aloneness and state of mind.  Does that make any sense at all?


During the night there is no kitchen to clean or laundry to do- things like that just aren't done after midnight.  One either sleeps, reads, blogs, plays on the computer or watches TV.  I like writing.  I have come to the game a little late.  Yet I found that it suits me well.  Neurons that haven't been used  in a long time are being fired off, especially when I tell a story.  There is a creative process at work. 


I digress.  Or maybe not.  I think when I am writing, which I do best at night, I do not feel the heaviness of depression.  At night I am way less like to feel the pressure of being depressed if I am distracted by writing.  If I can only put my fingers to the keyboard and get started, if I have a decent subject, then it flows out of me.  Depression stands at bay, not interrupting my alone time in the quietness of the wee hours of the night.